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For April Fool's Day 1996 I composed a short send-up of the bloated software being foisted on the net.community by Netscape and Microsoft. This fraud I foisted on the the USENET world, following the ancient tradition of trying to snare the gullible on April Fools Day. You wouldn't belive the responses I got. Some people - some who should have been in the know - got tripped up by this and really thought this was the next wave of civil disobedience in the US Government's goofy persecution (err, prosecution) of Philip Zimmermann. Enjoy.

I'm very pleased to announce the creation of the

as an adjunct to the Philip "Zimmermann Legal Defense Fund". As a service to the growing number of attorneys and cypherpunks that are travelling the planet as a result of the US Government's persecution of Philip Zimmermann, I've taken the necessary steps to become a travel agency persuant to the rules and regulations of the state of California (where I live).

PZTA is a full-service travel agency, specializing in deductible junkets to computer conferences (several folks used us to get to this week's Computers, Freedom, and Privacy conference), depositions, and cruises to Hawaii and Alaska. I've cut deals with several hotels near the San Jose District Attorney's office, and have opened up accounts (and discounts) for clients of PZTA at nearby Kinko's Copy Centers and Starbuck's coffee shops. (I'm still negotiating a group discount with several legal service agencies in the area, should the ill-advised indictment actually come to pass. If there is interest, I'll also sign up one or two limo services to shuttle attorneys to and fro.)

PZTA offers the following attractive features:

• all transactions take place via PGP (our public key is available from key servers world-wide) and soon through our secure web page

• all client information is kept on IDEA-encrypted partitions

• all reservations are made out to "Anonymous"

• all travel agency commissions are given the Philip Zimmermann Legal Defense Fund

• we accept several different forms of ECash, Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Discover, traveller's cheques, and bearer bonds

PZTA is also going to be running charters for frequently-attended events as a financial boon to our clients (for example, we're getting together a charter flight and hotel room package with United Air Lines and the Sonesta hotel for next year's CFP in Boston Massachusetts, info from cfp96@mit.edu). Features of PZTA charter flights:

• we never check your bags for munitions

• all in-flight reading materials are in OCR format

• on-board telephones accept anonymous phone cards

PZTA may be reached at pzta@GeekTimes.com.

• Principal - Michael 'Mickey' Sattler
• Concigliare - Philip L. Dubois

PZTA looks forward to filling all your crypto-related travel needs and adding much-needed resources to the Zimmermann Legal Defense Fund. We thank you for your consideration.

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Michael 'Mickey' Sattler        San Francisco, California  |
Digital Jungle Consulting Services     http://www.jungle.com/michael/ |
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  Where do these people come from?  Is there an agency out there that  |
   reads the Net and says "oops, not enough morons on this newsgroup"  |
       and then assigns some slack-jawed inbred grit-eatin' stooge     |
                   to gum up the works?" -- Jim Cowling                |