My Adventures in Boston: 1986

  Locations of visitors to this page
be notified of website changes? subscribe
boston

 

tale's beginning

1981

1982

1983

1984

1985

1986

tale's end

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

My Adventures in Boston: 1986

January

I came back to Boston around the middle of January, nothing has changed. Patty is ignoring me, not calling me back. I have no idea what to do or where to go. For over three years I've made Patty the center of my life, now I'm alone. Many things that happened before Patty returned the ring are bothering me: Patty took the photograph of me that has been hanging over her bed off the wall, and despite my remarks it remains off the wall. Who is Patty having over that should think she was unattached? It occured to me how rarely Patty had said "I love you" over the years. She took her house-keys back.

She invited me over to meet Jimmy one afternoon, she was wearing only a bathrobe and flashing all of her for both of us: was this a hint to me? I wasn't even invited to her father's birthday party; but Jimmy attended. Patty has a convoluted story to explain this. She didn't tell me about the birthday party, I figured it out two days after the fact, she didn't want both of us at the event. How long has her father known? She took me to choose a Hartmann suitcase for my Christmas gift and then never bought it: did she ever intend to? I wonder how many times and along what spectrum of events she had Jimmy replace me. Why did it take me so long to catch on, even after she returned the ring? I think that because I (still) love her and never thought of doing this to her, so I didn't expect her to.

21 January

Patty asked me over tonight to tell me that she thought we should see other people, she says that our relationship won't work out. I have never hurt so much in my life, "betrayal" by the person you love and trust is the worst thing I have ever felt. Then she asked me to leave the house! I couldn't believe it, obviously I felt a lot more strongly about Patty and the future than she did. I was reeling. Wally rescued me and I spent the night at his house, we talked a lot. The next day I flew to see my parents for two days. I didn't feel any better but I had time to sit down and feel very upset at Patty: how could she just throw me away? Patty called my parents house and was going to pick me up at the airport. I was very happy, I thought she had realized that we were good together, but no luck. She met me for a reason still unknown to me. Like an acquaintance of mine said "...you hear the voice, but it isn't saying what you want it to hear."

1 February

Today was the day we were supposed to have a nice evening together. I don't understand why I keep on chasing her, she has done some terrible things and I still want her more than anything else. But as usual, Patty was true to form. She worked until it was late, screwing up our date, she complained of being tired and not wanting to do anything. She still has no time for me. I had to resort to bringing food over to her house. We had nothing to say to each other all evening, we ate in silence. What do you say when the person you want doesn't want to work on the relationship. I don't know how much she gets from one side of her family, they get divorced on a regular basis. I thought it wouldn't affect Patty because she says she was hurt by her parents breakup, which happened while she was at camp. No luck there either, I guess some of us know what we want from life: I wanted to continue on my career in computing and to marry Patty after her first year of law school, as I told her. I'm alone now. Seb Ventimilliglia called me to find out if I was interested in a job that he is recruiting for. He asked me how my fianceé is, he remembers Patty from a visit to his offices. People remember Patty from such a little meeting. The hardest thing that I have had to do is explain to all the people that ask me how she is that I have been dumped.

Valentine's Day

I bought a dozen red roses to Patty today, I really don't understand why I still love her, by all accounts I should hate her. Patty gave me a letter explaining why she thinks we are incompatible: I overshadow her in public, I am a night person (she isn't), I can be loud, I'm Jewish. Of these things the only I think is valid is the first, for some reason I tend to overshadow her, I have been trying to overcome it, but it's a moot point now.

15 February

We had a SAMmy party last night that was very good. I talked to a few people but I really concentrated on drinking a lot 'cause that's really all I wanted to do. The party wasn't nearly as crowded as the last one.

This morning I went and got three dozen red roses to let Patty know that I was sorry for not (I don't really know what I wanted to say, I want her back and I want her to want me back). When I got to her place, as I was about to knock on the door I heard a very male cough. I knocked on the door but got no answer despite repeated knocks and "hello?s"

I walked back to Kenmore Square along the route we walked the afternoon we got engaged. I threw the roses all over the spot where we got engaged; three dozen red roses crying their hearts out all over Kenmore Square. Now I know why Jimmy was telling me that he didn't want anything to do with Patty, that he treated her like a sister, why he said that I should forget her and see other people: because he was beginning (or consummating?) that relationship. I wonder how long this has been going on. Patty said he was in my place a few months ago, he seems to have cured much faster than I have. (I am typing this several months after Patty returned the ring).

1 May

Patty called me, the aftermath of which I detailed to Patty's mother in a document I can't find at the moment.

13 August

I've been looking out of a 17th story window at Logan Airport for a while. I really do love this little gem of a city, so small that it isn't hard to walk from B. U. to Filene's. There exists in me a great feeling of loss and emptiness, which, correctly or not, I am trying to satiate by changing my environment drastically. I see memories everywhere, distracting. I don't want to see her: it would reinforce the fact that I'm now without her, and still in love. I have this feeling of going into battle, that the heartache of leaving Boston will be made better because everything will turn out for the best.

17 September (San Francisco, California)

It is at strange times like this that my love of Patty comes back: I realize that I will not be around when she is having her first child, something that I looked forward to very much. Why is it that being the father of her child is so important to me? Why can't I accept what has happened? Why do I think that everything can be made well?

previous previous next next

Have you found errors nontrivial or marginal, factual, analytical and illogical, arithmetical, temporal, or even typographical? Please let me know; drop me email. Thanks!
 

What's New?  •  Search this Site  •  Website Map
Travel  •  Burning Man  •  San Francisco
Kilts! Kilts! Kilts!  •  Macintosh  •  Technology  •  CU-SeeMe
This page is copyrighted 1993-2010 by Lila, Isaac, Rose, and Mickey Sattler. All rights reserved.