Buzzword Compliant: what the high-tech marketing spiel really means

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Buzzword Compliant: what the high-tech marketing spiel really means

Ever wonder what all the marketing buzzwords really mean?

Date: Mon Jul 15 20:06:58 1996
Subject: High Tech Marketing Spiel

NEW - Different color from previous design

ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with previous design

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition

DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it

IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works

REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitors

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does

DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others

MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix

RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...

HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on

PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours

ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!

BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it

SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound

NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work

MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain

LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

Have you found errors nontrivial or marginal, factual, analytical and illogical, arithmetical, temporal, or even typographical? Please let me know; drop me email. Thanks!

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