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Flame Form

The following was posted to alt.humor.best-of-usenet:


I took exception to your recent _X_ post to __alt.config________. (newsgroup) ___ email

It was (check all that apply):

_X_ lame. ___ stupid. ___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

___ what you posted/said has been done before. (Mark only if above checked) ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time. ___ your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of _____________________. (net.personality) ___ your post/mail originated on Fidonet. ___ your post/mail originated on Delphi. ___ your post/mail originated on AOL. ___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. ___ your post contained commercial advertising. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to: Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol 3 Cielo Vista Terrace Monterey, CA 93940 or your posting privileges will be cancelled. ___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. _X_ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! ___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission. ___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission. ___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery. (Mark only if above checked) ___ It was done clumsily. _X_ you have a lame login name. ___ your machine has a stupid name. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. _X_ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added _2_ lines of text. ___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" ___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]". ___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". _X_ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. (In many of your prior articles) _X_ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. (In many of your prior articles) ___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. ___ your .sig is longer than four lines. (Mark only if above checked) ___ And your newsreader truncated it. ___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply): ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es). (Mark only if above checked) ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ you included a stupid disclaimer. (Mark only if above also) ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed. (Mark only if above also) ___ Miserably. ___ you included: (Mark all that apply) ___ a stupid self-quote. ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ a Rush Limbaugh quote. ___ a Dan Quayle joke. ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead. ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo (Mark only if above also) ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson


_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of __alt.config____________. (newsgroup) _X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. ___ You are a loser. _X_ You must have spent your entire life in a Skinner box to be this clueless. _X_ *plonk* _X_ This has been pointed out to you before. _X_ It is recommended that you: (Mark all that apply) _X_ stick to Fidonet/Delphi/AOL and come back when you've grown up. ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in. ___ get a gun and shoot yourself. _X_ stop reading Usenet news and get a life. ___ stop sending email and get a life. ___ consume excrement. ___ consume excrement and thus expire.

Additional comments:

Have you found errors nontrivial or marginal, factual, analytical and illogical, arithmetical, temporal, or even typographical? Please let me know; drop me email. Thanks!

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