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Date: 6 Apr 1996 21:37:05 GMT
Subject: [alt.folklore.computers] How to Deal With A Terribly Dissapointing Computer dealer
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet


Newsgroups: misc.consumers,alt.folklore.computers
From: John Varela
Subject: How to Deal With A Terribly Dissapointing Computer dealer

In <4jd0nd$42s@canton.charm.net>, turtle@charm.net (The Turtle) writes:

>Let me say this only once, then I'll recede into the shadows -- you
>had better learn about the damn things BEFORE you buy one.
>
>Ford expects you to already know how to drive before they sell you a
>car.  Thus, no Ford dealer I know of offers driving lessons, in-car
>tutorials, or free phone lines to answer questions.  And yes, most car
>dealers expect you to bring the car to them if there's a problem.

I think this has been posted to afc before, in fact this may be where I picked it up, but it's so appropriate to the above that I repost it:

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive. Imagine if they did ...

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!"
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash any more!"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

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